Thursday, July 18, 2013

Dirt

I'm not sure what words should go with this post. I've typed several sentences and deleted them all. I can't fancy up the way I feel about these two pictures.

I guess it makes me think of how quickly things can change.
How we can dream up one life for ourselves, and then be handed an entirely different one.

The kids and I saw the lot today that is now completely bleached of any smidge of our lives there, and I'm pretty sure at least three hearts broke again in that van. It's one thing to talk about selling our land and having the foundation of our home broken up, but it's a whole other thing entirely to see the carried out result.

Dirt. Thick, rain-soaked dirt.

That's all there is, and you would never know about all the mud holes our children dug in the backyard or the tree that always got in the way of a great soccer game.

I remember the day I took the first picture. It was nearly one year ago and I was nervous. We were about to close on the house, and I wondered what it'd be like to live inside those walls. I wondered if we'd truly grow to like it as much as I hoped. I wondered if the neighbors would welcome us or not. I didn't, however, in my worst dream at that time think that I'd be taking the second picture a mere 11 months later.




And still, I'm thankful. I'm thankful that I have the first picture. I'm thankful that it's not only a picture--but the first chapter in a story so precious and dear to my heart, one where a family got a fresh start and a place to call their own, where they laughed often, cried sometimes, and learned so much about what it means to be a family. To be a family chasing God.

And the longer I stare at the second picture, I can see it.

It, too, is another fresh start. It's the end of the first chapter and something sad has happened. But you know there's a page turn, and you know there are more chapters ahead. Hopefully, those chapters will hold many, many happy moments. I'm secretly hoping for vacation moments! I'm hoping for more moments of my children digging in another backyard, playing soccer around another big tree, and dancing in front of another fire place. And something tells me the plot gets better because I know the author and His other works are filled with hope, new beginnings, and lots of dancing.

But the second picture--it's not done yet. This fresh dirt will be the beginning for someone else. I know a new home will be built, and a new family will come and stand in front, taking a picture much like the first, full of hopes, anticipation, and worries about the neighbors and the right wall colors. I hope they get to dig mud holes and ride bikes along the sidewalks, careful not the hit the fire hydrant. New grass will sprout, and along with it new hope, and healing.
Peace of Christ to you,

6 comments:

  1. I have been quietly stalking your blog since I met you. (I hope that isn't too creepy.) This is the first post that I have been compelled to comment....

    I never saw the before picture...and I haven't seen the after picture....but I saw the during in real life.

    I am proud to call you a friend (even if we have only met once...sorry if that is too assuming of me). If that was my house and now my empty lot I think I might still be a weeping mess nearly two months later. You seem to be a lot stronger than I could ever imagine being.

    I give you hugs and props and high fives. I hope that, if another "big one" hits and levels my home, I can handle it with the grace, class and sanity that you have.

    <3 to you and your family!

    ~Rachel (the Navy girl with the ultrasound photo)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rachel, thank you so much for your comment. You are not presumptuous (or creepy) at all! Only a friend would bend her schedule so, just to bring me an ultrasound picture, then stay and listen to our story--not to mention give sweet gifts to me. Thank you for that encouragement. I think you'd be a lot stronger than you imagine. I don't feel strong; I'm just doing what has to be done! And I have WAY too much to be sad all the time. I am sad some, yes, but I'm quickly reminded of how much God spared for us! Thank you so much for all your kindness to us. I'm glad we're on Face Book so we can keep in touch! God bless you.

      Delete
  2. Cara, you are a very strong woman and an amazing writer! you inspire me so much. I don't really know to say, but I do know that I am sorry for your loss. I know I should never take anything for granted and always be grateful for what I have. I am so happy that even though you have been through so much you have trusted in God. I am still new in Christ, still learning. Sometimes my faith slips and I forget he is with me always. You remind me of this. When I see your posts or even talk to you in person, I know he is with us. Thank you for sharing this with me. If you ever need anything, anything at all, just let us know. My family and I will always be here for you guys and always praying! Also, I can't wait for our Life Group to be reunited!! (:

    ReplyDelete
  3. Blessings be yours Cara...Love, Redbird

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am finally getting a chance to catch up on your blog. God has given you a depth of insight and maturity well beyond your years! Keep blessing others!

    ReplyDelete