Saturday, August 14, 2010

Caleb's Birth Story Part VI

The next day-Thursday-was very different from my birthday. I wasn't up for long before things started falling apart.

Caleb had had a rough night. His oxygen saturation level kept dropping during the night, and he'd had a couple of heart rate drops as well. I woke feeling so discouraged, like we were taking giant steps backward.

I didn't want to go backward; I wanted to go home.

And it just continued to get better. It started sinking in around 9 am that I'd just missed Keagan's first day of school...ever. And later that morning, I found out just how big of a work load I had for the semester, and my emotional dam collapsed. Every problem suddenly felt magnified by ten, and I couldn't imagine how I'd ever make it through the rest of the week, much less the rest of the year! After calling Matt and dumping all my anxieties on him, we decided I should drop one of the classes I was to teach. So I called and took care of that, which did bring some relief.

The rest of the day, I felt depressed. All I could do was get up to feed Caleb and then lie back down in a depressed stupor. I had no reason to get up, nowhere to go, no one to talk to, no real purpose it seemed. I told the nurse that I felt like we had just crashed-that we had been doing so well before, but now...now we were only getting worse instead of better. She assured me that Caleb had not crashed, but that this part was the long part, the part that just took time. Time was not my best friend at the moment. I never thought I'd say this, but I simply had too much of it. Oh how I wished I could snap my fingers and fast forward to the day where they'd let Caleb come home with me.

That evening, I talked to Matt on the phone about Keagan's first day of school and whatever else we could think of. He was having a tough time dealing with the kids' attitudes without me. Keagan had become defiant and was acting out of character. Clearly, his world was turned upside down.

After I got off the phone with him, I realized I had started bleeding very heavily, bright red-which the nurses in postpartum had told me was not okay with a c-section. Later that night, I told the late shift nurse what had happened along with how I was feeling emotionally, and she said she wanted to call my doctor right away since that was not something to shrug off. When she came back into my room, she said the doctor wanted me home right away and that I needed to stay home for a few days. She said I could come back on Monday. My head started spinning with "how am I going to get home?" thoughts. It was already eight o'clock, and it was a 2 hour drive to come get me from home.

Thankfully, one of our dear friends rode with Matt up to pick me up that night. They didn't get there until after 11 pm, and we didn't leave for home until around midnight, getting us back after 2 am. I'm so thankful for the TONS of people God has used to help us through this time. Our families have been incredible, and our church family has reached out to help us in so many ways with food, mowing our yard, helping with the kids. I'm continually amazed at how He has taken care of us through all these things.

So, this is where the story catches up to the present. I'm currently at home, resting like my doctor wanted me to. Since I've been home, good things have happened with Caleb! They did a Car Seat Tolerance Test on him, which he had to pass in order to go home. That's where they sit him in the car seat for 2 hours and monitor his breathing and heart rate. He passed it today! And tonight they are performing a sleep study on him, monitoring the same things. If he passes that, then we actually can take our sweet boy home tomorrow! Please pray with me that he passes this so we can all be together as a whole family at last. I've been waiting for this for nearly 2 weeks!

Thanks for all the prayers, by the way. They're how I have made it through this tough time of my heart being pulled in so many different places.

Peace of Christ to you,

1 comment:

  1. It sounds like you are going through a tough time Cara. Keep your spirit up. It is hard to be missing out on things at home and I'm sure you must be really happy to be finally back where you belong.

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