Thursday, July 8, 2010

His Timing is Perfect; My Wailings are Not

I had my three hour glucose test Wednesday morning, and it was interesting, painful, and long...but it also had a bit of joy mixed in. I'll explain.

The test was done at 8 am when no one was at the clinic but the nurse administering it and me. Since she was coming in just for me ahead of her normal schedule, I worried that she would be on the perturbed side, but she was so nice. The first testing went kinda badly and was painful. Just picture a lot of needles and bruised finger pads, 5 of them. (ouch) Trying my best not to throw up the disgustingly sugar-concentrated liquid was not fun, either. But I prayed the entire time, asking God to be near me. And He was.

I passed the first test and had a feeling deep in my spirit that the whole thing was actually going to turn out okay. And it did. I don't have gestational diabetes, and I can't express just how happy that makes me! I have a new appreciation for people with diabetes, and I feel for them that we live in such a cruelly sugar-bombarded world! Even carbohydrates are the enemy. I felt like I couldn't eat anything that week of waiting to see whether I had it or not, which only heightened the chaos of my emotional state.

The last hour of the test (there were 3 1/2 hours total) was when I knew God had timed this by His watch, not mine. The nurse had finished her tasks, and I had finished grading my class's essays, so we had time to talk more. I learned a lot about her. She was abused for years and has been pregnant 7 times. But she only has 2 sons. That means she has 5 babies in heaven. And I was crying over the needles and the sugar. We talked about God and her church; she's Catholic. We didn't say much else about church--just random comments on how God has sustained and blessed; I didn't feel the Spirit's prompting to push it further. We hugged when it was time for me to leave.

The night before the test, I finished a book I'd bought in mid-June: "The Hiding Place"--the story of Corrie Ten Boom. I usually read very quickly, but things kept coming up to hinder my progress in the book in June. I had to read it slowly, sometimes only one chapter at a time. Now in July, I know why. And even further back than that, years ago I managed a Christian book store and heard of Corrie Ten Boom at that time. The store, of course, had her book and her devotionals, and I almost picked them up a few times to read. But something always stopped me. It wasn't time. And now I know why.

It's because of God's love and His planning for me that it wasn't time. Now was the time because I needed something to (very gently) push me toward remembering that I am blessed and that He has ordered my steps...even the hard ones when I can't eat what I want while pregnant! :) The despair and tragedy that emerged from those pages by far outweighed all the "hardships" I may endure, and were delicate reminders that God has abundantly poured Himself out to me. I have far greater reasons to rejoice than to lament.

I learned so much from this book, and I'll have to share more of them later. I'm amazed yet again that He loves me this much, that He would begin a work years ago--preventing me from reading the book too soon--because He knew I'd need the lesson to carry me through this time.

His timing is perfect. Corrie knew this. She was released from the concentration camp just days after her sister was released into heaven. She later learned that her release was a "clerical error" and that one week after she gained freedom, all the women her age were taken to the gas chamber.

His timing is perfect.
Peace of Christ to you,

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