Saturday, May 15, 2010

Settling Into Love

I got to do something tonight that I haven't had a) time or b) energy to do over the past few months. I made a birthday dinner for my father-in-law: homemade lasagna and homemade apple cobbler. My husband and I joke about whether cooking for people is a spiritual gift or not! It's really something I love to do.

Life has been settling down lately, and I'm so grateful for the re-institution of routine, familiarity, somewhat of predictability. Change is nice, but not when it's such a drastic one such as unemployment! But truly, as I look back on the difficult time we went through (and seriously, when I say "difficult," I laugh now because we in no way resembled anyone living in a country you'd go on a mission trip to help), I can see all that God wanted to teach us and show us.

Humility.

Patience.

Discernment.

And we just wouldn't have gotten it had we not been in that situation. The ironic thing is that each of these qualities I so desperately hated during that time. I didn't want anything to do with either of them. Just tell me already why this is happening and how to fix it! But God in His sovereignty continues to over-rule my thick-headed protests and allows me to learn something worthwhile. And so I am thankful. Thankful that He knew why we needed to go through a time of dependence on Him. Thankful that He wasn't just ignoring us and chuckling as we floundered around. Thankful that He always sent the provision we needed in one crazy way or another. Thankful that He really did have something beautiful, something better for us on the other side. (And it is. My husband loves his new job so much, and I can't even tell you the blessing it is with time as a family.) Even better than we could have hoped. That's our Dad for you.

Speaking of Dad: I say it a lot, but being a parent has opened up such a deeper understanding of God and His infinite goodness, grace, mercy, acceptance, love, and sacrifice that I surely would never have known without raising children myself. A couple of weeks ago, it had been one of those stressful days where Keagan had pushed every cotton-pickin' button on me all day. And I was so drained...and even needing a break from him. I had my discipleship group that night, and I got all but 5 minutes away from the house and started crying. I was remembering a story a friend had just shared about a couple who had intentionally burned a little 4 year old boy in a bathtub. I started missing Keagan and wanted to go back to hug him. Wait a minute; wasn't I just rushing out the door a mere 5 minutes ago to get away from him? But really, in all the moments of frustration and annoyance I'd had with him that day, never once could I have conceived of purposefully hurting him, and it crumbles my heart that someone could do such a wicked thing to a helpless child.

And as I drove further down the road, the thought occurred to me that God loves us the same way--even more. There isn't anything we could do to push Him so far over the edge that He would desire harm on us. Nothing. When we are His kids, there is no need to worry about a harsh punishment or even abuse. Nothing can separate us from His love.

Just a couple days later, Keagan woke up early in the morning and came into the living room where my husband and I were having coffee and reading. Without saying much else, he asked to hear "How He Loves" by David Crowder Band.

Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us all.

This very well could be what I've learned more than anything else over the past few months. And I'm grateful that He was patient enough to teach me.
Peace of Christ to you,

2 comments:

  1. So very beautifully written:) Hope you are doing well! Hey I think after a few years have gone by now we should like figure out a phone chat at some point what ya think?:) ALSO, try to get to Deeper Still 2010 Bham girl!

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  2. oh, how exciting, an update! I'm so glad to hear where God has brought your family and the stories of his faithfulness. May the beautiful testimoney he has given you not be forgotten!

    I too am thankful for the many times and lessons God uses my children to teach me.

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