Monday, April 26, 2010

He's In The BIG And The small

I gotta tell ya--I was a little nervous about writing my last post. I was nervous that I was just wishfully thinking. Almost immediately afterward, doubts began to make their home in my head--What if God really didn't have a purpose for this time? What if we were just up a creek?

But God does care and He does have a purpose, and He showed us that in the past week, which has been a fresh splash of joy compared to the previous five weeks. My husband will be starting a new job this week, and he's very excited about it! He's the nerdy type (he knows I call him that and he's okay with it!), so this job of working on computers is just his field exactly. The job is not only what he enjoys, but the hours are phenomenal. I almost can't believe God has given this to us. He will be able to take our son to school in the fall, be home for dinner in the evenings, have a full weekend off work to rest and spend time with us! It's just such a huge blessing! And we're so thankful.

Also, God has gifted us with something else, too, that we're pretty pumped about. One of our favorite bands is Needtobreathe. We both can listen to them nonstop for weeks. Because our pastor and his wife are just awesome, they decided to give us tickets to see them tonight! I think I'm just blown away at how God not only takes care of the BIG issues of our lives, but He also takes care of the small ones.

I'm glad He loves us all this much, aren't you?

Peace of Christ to you,

Monday, April 19, 2010

Crisis of Belief

When you're at your breaking point and haven't heard from God for a season, it's so incredible to finally feel that He is near--to hear His voice, not audibly, but in a circumstance. This is where I am right now, and I've had such a shawl of comfort draped over my shoulders. Comfort is such a mild way of putting it, really.

We've had a season of change, and with that came so many questions, fears, a crisis of belief, panic, etc. The moment we make a decision and it looks bad, I immediately begin questioning my ability to hear God's voice, to be directed by His purpose. I have a misconception that a smooth path means God is leading, while a rocky, uphill trail means He has abandoned us. But looking at scripture, there are many times when He led someone whom He loved up a steep slope. Abraham. Moses. Paul. Jesus.

What if this hard season is God's leading to something different, something better? Or just simply a new level of trust in Him and understanding of His provision? We made a change that we really did pray about, so we were left shocked when it was not what we anticipated. At all. Immediately, I fell in defeat to the idea that it was foolish. (And maybe it was. I'm still trying to let God show me the full story.) But what if what looks scary to us is in fact where God planned for us to go all along? What if it's a journey toward where He wants us to be--a journey we would've missed had we not made a change? Honestly, right now, I don't know. But I do know that He is not surprised by this and that He has still been faithful in providing for us. Some days there is work, while others there is not. But He does still provide. Sometimes it's in ways that may puff us up with pride; other times, it's in ways that we are being humbled.

The thing is that He didn't specify which way it'd be--just that there would be a way.

Through all this, I've had a crisis of belief. I've questioned, like Eve did in the garden with the serpent, whether I really ever even knew God or how He works. Did I ever walk closely with Him, or was that an illusion? I'm sure Satan loves nothing more than to see God's children ask questions like these. But I think they're good for us. Now, I can remember this time in my faith where I had such haunting questions--but I can also remember that God has shown me in scripture who He is and has given me proof (even just this morning!) that He does hear me when I cry out to Him. He has not abandoned us. He does love us. He is near.

To spare you a long story, I almost voiced a concern last night about yet another decision to be made, when something stopped me. I decided instead to just pray that God would speak to my husband about what to do concerning it today. This morning he read Proverbs 19 and came to me before leaving for work with a different outlook on the decision--that he should wait with patience and try being content with what God's given him thus far. I couldn't believe it! I know deep in my heart that God answered me this morning. He showed me tangibly (because I hadn't voiced my small concern to my husband at all) that He heard my prayer last night.

Crisis of belief over.

I'm realizing other things about myself, too. I'm not too much different than the Israelites when they were being complete morons, wanting to head back into slavery. They were on a hard, rocky journey toward something better. But all they could see was the wilderness. There's no promise land really. It was all an illusion. But it wasn't. God hadn't lied to them.

He doesn't lie.

I'm not saying we were in slavery! But I am saying that the moment something begins to look even harder than I perceived things were before, my first reaction is to think all was perfect...when it wasn't. It's a lie that--when we believe it--bring Satan joy. If we do go back to what we knew before, I still believe there was a purpose for this time. If we move onto something else, I still believe there was a purpose for this time.

So far what I'm learning is: God is not circumstantial. He is not greater when things are smooth and weaker when they are not. No matter what He has called us to--luxury or hardship--we are here to glorify Him. Period.

Peace of Christ to you,

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Tickled Pink Blue

So, I've learned something: I do have a mother's instinct, and so far, I've always been right.

More specifically:

We had an appointment last Monday, knowing we'd probably be finding out the sex of baby #3. My husband sat in a chair on the adjacent wall as the doctor looked at all the organs (all which were very healthy and actually ahead on development!). The doctor asked if we had any hunches on the sex, and I said they've been telling me it's a girl so far because of the heart rate. He drew with his fancy tools on the screen, and there we were looking at our little BOY'S parts! My husband's face was priceless. He asked the doctor, "Really? Are you sure?" The doctor just looked at him, letting him look at the very clearly outlined goods.

It was quite obvious. We're having our second boy!

Now, back to my motherly instincts. The moment I saw that test stick telling me I was pregnant, I felt like it was another boy, as did my husband. I know it's for some crazy reasons, but this pregnancy (other than being more of a pain in the butt [literally!]) has been so much like Keagan's and hardly anything like Kate's in many ways. But then the heart rate was always super high and the first ultrasound I had with my specialist was leaning toward a girl. Since my specialist was right early on with Kate and the doctor with Keagan was right from the start with Keagan, I figured we'd better believe them.

More pink and fairy wings.

By the time we had our appointment, I was honestly confused. I still had this tiny urge of: "I wonder if it really is a boy?" However, I was just trying to go with what I'd been told so far because I figured these people were the experts; not me. So, I laughed out loud when we saw that we're having a little boy and not a little girl! I think my husband was about to jump off his chair with excitement, although he hid it well. But I know inside he was just on cloud nine!

We are indeed tickled BLUE!

Peace of Christ to you,

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Easter 2010

This is the first year for BOTH of my kids to equally enjoy the holiday. They ate sugar and chocolate from morning to evening! Oh well! They had a blast! Their faces lit up when they found their Easter baskets in the living room first thing that morning. Kate said, "I got Easter in my basket!" I love those sweet little things kids say! And the cat in the picture went home with us. Her name is Lelu and she's so sweet. She worked great as an impromptu photo prop, too!
Here's what our day looked like:

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Peace of Christ to you,