Wednesday, June 10, 2009

There's That "H" Word Again

Sometimes I hate myself because I love myself.

I was reading about King Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel, and I noticed how fickle he was. One minute he was persecuting someone for not worshiping whichever idol he demanded, and the next he was making a new decree that everyone should worship the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Don't get too excited, because in just a little while, he was right back to worshiping other gods.

Wait, that sounds like me.

Maybe I don't erect idols of gold and ask others to bow, but I bow to a sea of other things in my heart over and over. Things that don't make my Father's heart glad.

God forced Nebuchadnezzar to humility. And since I'm His daughter, too, He often does the same with me. It's NEVER fun, but it's ALWAYS for the good of..."those called according to His purpose?"

Yeah, that's right. That's me. And that's you.

I'm so glad that even when I don't understand why I do the stupid things I do, He does. When I don't know why I'm jealous of that person, He does. When I don't know why I feel insecure around that person, He does. When I don't know...He does. And He is faithful to tell me so He can teach me to be less like me and more like Him.

I fall under the human category and am therefore quite selfish, conceited, prideful, and really just plain sinful. I have to remember where my place is. I started out deep within the crowd, shouting for Jesus to be murdered. And even if I wasn't one shouting, I was still too much of a coward to stand against those who were.

Not only was Jesus crucified because of me, Jesus was also crucified by me.

What social standing does this afford me? None.

Lord, please take these things in my heart and continue to break them. Crumble them before me, because I can't bear the weight of them anymore.
I can't bear the weight of me.

Peace of Christ to you,
Cara