Friday, December 5, 2008

Smackin' a Starvin' Baby

So I'm pretty sure I was involved in my funniest story yet on Tuesday night at Walmart.

Matt and I took both kids to grab a few groceries, and as you can see here, Keagan was not a happy camper about it. We were on the cookie aisle, and of course he wanted to open the package immediately. This shot is after we told him NO.
Well, an older lady happened to be on the aisle while this happened, and I glanced up just in time to receive her “You're going straight to hell” glare. I smiled, and continued shopping.

Matt and I split up to get the shopping done faster after that—I had Kate and he had Keagan. When we met again a little later, Matt came around a corner, pushing the cart and ducking down a bit with wide eyes. “Some lady keeps following me around trying to tell me what to do with him,” he said as he pointed to our wailing angel. Before I could even respond or react to this, I look to our left and see said woman whipping around the corner yelling, “Sir, I wish you'd just STOP!” She has a package of crackers in her hand, and she is not happy. “Would you please just give that baby a cracker or a cookie?” She just keeps coming closer and closer. When I thought we couldn't get any closer, she takes the package and shakes it in my face! “Can't you see that that baby is just starving? He's just hungry.” Matt pipes up with his brilliant “We're his parents, and he's got enough to eat—he's just throwing a fit” thank you very much speech. She tells us that this has just RUINED her day! She actually looked like she was going to cry! Then, the best part happened: “I heard you smack him on that other aisle, and he just cried and cried.” At this point, Matt and I stared at each other with “Is this really happening to us?” looks. (It should be noted that while this conversation ensued, Keagan was quiet.) “See, he's quiet since I came over here with these!” the crazy woman said. I had to physically turn around so she couldn't see my upheaval of laughter. I kept waiting for the camera guy to pop out and say, “Gotcha!” Nope.

“Thank you, but we're his parents and we're doing what we think is best for him. We don't want him to be a brat.” (Did I mention my husband is wonderful?)
After she realized she wasn't getting anywhere with him, she turned to me, shaking the crackers with more fervor than before. I told her I was in agreement with my husband. To show his appreciation for my support, do you know what my wonderful husband did? HE LEFT ME THERE WITH HER! (I was supposed to follow, but if you know me well, this is not in my make-up.) So, I stood with this insane human being and listened while she told me how she works in the Baptist church and had 5 (did you hear that?) children, and nothing this atrocious ever happened to her! And her daughter has two glorious children who are perfect angels and she was going to get them so their mommy could go to the Baptist church. Once she knew I was not going to take her cracker charity, she huffed around and said, “Well, I certainly hope you guys can figure out how to work this out!”

Only me.


  1. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    Call DHS!!!!! You're sooooo abusive! How dare you for not having perfect little angel children. How dare you. If she goes to the baptist church I bet she had on a lot of makeup and her hair was teased up real big. The image in my mind is what made this post pee my pants funny. I love that Matt stood up to her. That's awesome.

  2. Next time (and I totally hope this happens again) can you please try to get a picture of this women. She might like to know that she will be part of your blog life.

    Also, it's stories like this that make me miss Wal-Mart. That and the mullets.

  3. I see no humor in a starving child.

    The only way it could have been funnier is if Matt had taken the crackers and then eaten them in front of the kids and went on to talk about how full he was

  4. This should go in your "we're good parents book." I'm sure your kids will get a kick out of it too when they grow up. Way to stick to your guns!

  5. OMG! That is insane. I almost wish it happened to me, oh no does that mean I actually like confrontation, Rod has been trying to tell me that....maybe he is right. Anyways, that is crazy. And the whole Baptist Church thing tops the cake. I still can not believe there are people who actually do this. I want to meet her.